St.Nic

OWLS, BEARS, DEER, ANTLERS…VS SHARK.

Woodsy-type names peaked several years ago, hibernated for a while and then in a fit of Darwinian angst, clawed back on to Pitchfork.  Fleet Foxes, Frightened Rabbit, Bowerbirds, Sea Wolf, Arctic Monkeys, Shark vs. Bear (shark, duh), Animal Collective, Deerhoof, Deercastle, Deer Hunter, Antlers, Deer Tick…the furries have reached a fuzzy, feathered frenzy.  The last 12 months saw Grizzly Bear roar onto the scene.  Well, maybe ”roar” is the wrong word.  This is, after all, a band that sonically captures the excitement of a brown sweater, an old bottle of molasses and a vintage phonograph.  And like molasses, you make an icky face at first and then realize it’s actually quite superb.  

On the other side of the hyper spectrum from Grizzly Bear but still in the forest of fauna, Owl City clobbered 2009 with trashy euro synths wrapped in shimmering strands of Shel Silverstein:  “I get 1,000 hugs…from 10,000 lightening bugs…” And I love Owl City too, but the same way I love Pixie Stix.  I’ll go on a one-week tear every 10 years or so.  I probably can’t listen to Owl City again but I’m rooting for the kid.

Don’t you think the prominence of these two bands rings the death knell for grranimal names?  We’ll see.  But there is a lesson here somewhere, especially for you young, sparkly-eyed artists with potentially life-changing band names up for votes in your Brooklyn loft.  

That lesson, children, is The Grizzly Owls.  They, too, probably thought they had the most crafty name ever.  And yet in 2009, the same year The Grizzly Owlsended up on my radar, Grizzly Bear and Owl City had their biggest year ever.  

I wasn’t at The Grizzly Owls’ Name Our Band Meeting, but I’m pretty sure it went like this:
“Hey dude – lets name our band after a grizzly bear, that would be fierce.” 

“I dig it.  But it’s kind of common. We should mess it up a bit.  Maybe Grizzly Bearish.  Or Das Grizzly.”  

“Ok…how about The Grizzly Deer?  Or Grizzly Wolves?” 
(Pulls on hipster beard.) 
“Grizzlyish Castles? Crystal Bears? GRZLYBR? Or…Grizzly! Grizzly! Grizzly!”  

“I dunno, I think the deer and wolves are all spoken for…and the last chart I pulled from “Band Name Tip Sheet” indicates the crystal trend is so 2008.”

“WAIT.  I have one. Think Survivor Man (pans hands) meets Harry Potter.  Ready? The Grizzly…Owls.”  
(Pregnant pause.)

“Not bad.” (More hipster beard stroking.)  “Not bad at all.  Then we’re both grizzledand owlish.  Scary, but bookish.  Brawny but wise.  I mean, we’re definitely covering our bases there, right?  Its not like there will be tons of bands with both grizzly bear and owl in the name.”

“Its settled.  The Grizzly Owls. Only the coolest band name ever.”  
(High fives all around.)

Every time “Two Weeks” or “Fireflies” hit the radio this year, The Grizzly Owlscried a small tear.  Be nice, download their EP here and maybe even kick them a donation.   


ALLITERATION - THE NEW NOMENCLATURE NOVELTY?
Alliteration just might be the new The Names. I present as evidence: Hawthorne Heights, Crystal Castles, Modest Mouse, Passion Pit, and check out the run on F’s lately - Friendly Fires, Franz Ferdinand, Fleet Foxes, Fiery Furnaces.  Since I’m feeling generous, I’ll donate you, nascent band naïf, with an awesomely alliterative name:  Philandering Philatelists.  That just rolls off the tongue, right?  

The alliteration trend proves the Beastie Boys were ahead of the game and always will be.  Okay I’ll throw Mr. Mister a bone, too.  

WORST BAND NAMES (BECAUSE I SAID SO)
Fuck Buttons – Tries way too hard.
Casiotone for the Painfully Alone - I could’ve gone either way on this one.
Vampire Weekend - This is a bit unfair, as the name’s alright. I just can’t get through one of their songs without thinking, “Kill me. Just kill me now by hanging me in a college library with a noose made of pink Vineyard Vines neckties with little whales on them.”
The Big Pink - Great band.  But the name reminds me of “Pink,” my least favorite Aerosmith song. “PIIIINK.”  That dissonant note will haunt me forever.
Buke and Gass - Gross.
Dirty Projectors – Reminds me of dirty pigeons.

WORST NAMES FOR SEARCH, FILTERS & TAGS
Metric, Spoon, Gossip, Jogger, The Sounds, Middle East, Eels, Coast, Hostage, HEALTH, Hockey, Girls, WHY? and the Google AdWords bidding nightmare…Real Estate.  Then again, I can’t even imagine the trouble caused by!!! 

ON THE FENCE ABOUT…THE PERIOD.
Portugal. The Man – Awesome band, but do we need full stops in band names yet?  Umlauts, obv.  Periods, not so sure.  I’ll concede the period in Portugal. The Man. gives the whole phrase a certain weight.  “!” is still enjoying a run (The Go! Team, Die! Die! Die!, Holy Ghost!, etc.) so maybe it’s time the more refined and professorial period got its due.  

If you are naming your band and don’t know if punctuation is right for you, try this:  Imagine your band is an obstacle on a Japanese game show like Most Extreme Elimination Challenge. Like it?  Then! You’re an exclamation-point kinda band!!  Now pretend that Bill Shatner is saying your band name out loud, over and over again.  Like it?  Add some. Periods.  

BAND NAMES I LIKE ALOT
Let’s Wrestle and The Pains of Being Pure at Heart – These names are cool because you get a sense of the band from the name.  You know that Let’s Wrestle shows up to practice hung over with rug burns on their face and you can bet a couple PBRs they aren’t emo.  Likewise, you know The Pains of Being Pure at Heart are doe-eyed, twee and probably like crossword puzzles.  FWIW – both great bands.

Delorean – Anachronistic.  Totally 80s. I’m smitten
Lo-Fi-Fnk – Artsy and onomatopoeic
Dethklok - Metal and onomatopoeic
YACHT– As Jona Bechtolt says, its not just a band, it’s a belief system
Doctors & Dealers - Way to sum it up!
Get Busy Committee - Serious like your local PTA except the agenda is FUN 
Mux Mool - I love how it sounds…if a band name were a wine this one would have a lovely mouthfeel.  Mux Mool gets bonus points for having a song called Merlinfist!
We Were Promised Jetpacks – I couldn’t agree more.  

MY FAVORITE BAND NAME GOES TO…
The xx. A simple name rife with implications.  I like the use of upper/lowercase, the sans-serif typography and logo-ready construction. The logo is one white X on black. Its memorable, bold and minimal, but somehow manages to be cheeky, calling to mind “X marks the spot,” “X-rated,” the kiss in a sign-off of xoxo, and any time a game show hits the “strrrike!” buzzer.  Check out The xx store – see what I mean?  

I bet The Grizzly Owls are pissed they didn’t play more tic-tac-toe.